We here at Highbrow are pretty understanding people. For example, if you accidentally stepped on our toes we’d probably be okay with it, and take it all in stride. Similarly, we understand if you had some serious pizza cravings from time to time. Heck, we all do. Most likely this stemmed from those rascally Ninja Turtles from our youth.
But this isn’t a post about why you still crave pizza. It’s a post about how to stave those cravings by eating the closest representative to real (good) pizza available. You’ve got a few options, really: you could a) make a meatza, b) use a mushroom crust, c) try out a frozen gluten-free crust, or d) fork out some dough (ha!) to try out one of the new gluten-free pizzas from Domino’s. And for your reading pleasure, two Highbrowers made the ultimate sacrifice and ate some Domino’s pizza so they could tell you about it. They’re heroes. Science heroes.
I ordered a ham, pepperoni, mushroom, and black olive pizza. First of all, I should mention that these little buggers aren’t cheap – this pie cost me nearly $12. It is definitely small – I plowed through my 10″ in just a few minutes, and ate half of another and still wasn’t full. The taste isn’t bad, just like your average takeout pizza, which is exactly what I was both expecting and hoping for.
Texture was not great. The bottom crust was very well baked (nearly over baked) and the outer crust was really crunchy (vice “crispy”). Meanwhile, the upper part of the crust (that was touching the tomato sauce) was slightly gooey. The transition from the gooey to the crunchy made a little “squeak” sound with my teeth which I hate (literally gives me the chills – I’ve had the same experience with the Udi’s frozen GF crusts).
The whole experience wasn’t bad, and taste won over any texture issues I may have had. My wife and son didn’t notice anything wrong with the texture other than the crunchiness of the crust, which they didn’t really mind. No ill health effects afterwards.
weird crust – crunchy bottom, squishy top
Over on this website called “Facebook”, I spied that a certain Russ Crandall had just ordered a gluten-free pizza from Domino’s, and had reviewed the crustlational properties of his pizza. That was all the excuse I needed. At 11PM on Sunday, having already eaten dinner and dessert, I ordered a gluten-free pizza with bacon, feta, and mushrooms. From some internet browsing, I found that the crust was made of “rice flour, rice starch, potato starch and olive oil”, amongst other ingredients.
The crust was quite sweet. It tasted very slightly burnt, but not in a bad way. I love variety, and having never had a non-frozen gluten-free crust, I was loving it! You see, having lived in Chicago for several years, I liked to rotate my pan pizza with deep dish, and throw in some thin crust or calzone-action at times. So I actually enjoyed this gluten free crust moreso than the normal crust, just because the odd texture and sweetness was a change of pace.
Now for the bad. I already ate dinner and dessert, so this post-dessert pizza wrecked some extra havoc on the gut. Anecdotally, some people’s tummies seem to disagree with gluten-free pizza (Is it the wheat flour substitutes? Is it gluten cross-contamination? What about the veggie oils and toppings? Or…is it…the guilt??) I ended up being extremely full, while watching John Travolta eat at a diner with Uma Thurman on TV. Uma ordered a five dollar shake, and Steve Buscemi was the waiter? I couldn’t pay attention…would my grumbling tummy hold up? Was I entering puke city…in the name of science?
Luckily, all was well in the in the intestinal world the next morning, so no harm no foul my gluten-free friend. I may order you again. (PS: If you haven’t ordered Domino’s online…it is AWESOME! You can watch a cute animation of your pizza being made, and send notes of encouragement to the pizzamakers.)
If you have celiac, or just have really bad reactions to gluten, please don’t order this pizza. Domino’s makes sure to warn you right as you select the gluten-free crust what you’re getting into:
Now for everybody else. I know you’ve been perplexed at least once before, when you’ve got the munchies and are not in the mood to intermittently fast or cook anything at all. In that case, might as well try one of these bad boys. You can order it without cheese if casein gives you gut bombs, or order without tomato sauce if nightshades don’t float your boat. The ingredients might not be organic and locally sourced, but this pizza ranks higher than many other junky foods you might turn to for a binge. Consider this a wake up call, national pizza chains. If you don’t step up your gluten-free offerings, Domino’s will crush you. (at least among the tens? hundreds? of thousands of paleo / gluten-free eaters) The gauntlet has been thrown.